Clearing My Past-Life Traumas

This article is the sixth installment of the ongoing story that deals with my past-life experiences. You may want to read my previous articles for the essential back-story, but I can give you a brief summary right here. Basically, in the later part of 2010, I learned that I had a recent past-life as a man in Poland and also a recent past-life as a woman in Hollywood (actress Carole Lombard). The two lives coexisted with each other, which is a phenomenon called a "parallel existence". Needless to say, it was a little weird discovering that my soul was in two bodies at the same time, not to mention the fact that one of these incarnations was as a woman. But the parallel existence and female incarnation were only the tip of the iceberg (so to speak). Recently, I discovered that the life in Poland and Hollywood were only two past lives...out of a whopping thirty-two. Yes, you heard me correctly: I have had 32 past lives!!!

Now, you may be wondering how I arrived at such a discovery. Well, last month I visited a palm reader named Jesse who suggested that I needed a "spiritual cleansing”. Jesse insisted that I had a "darkness in my aura" that resulted from past-life traumas. I consequently went home and tried to conduct the cleansing myself but I wasn't sure it had been completely effective. There was a feeling in my gut that I hadn't gotten all the "darkness" out of my system.

At first, I considered going back to Jesse, because she had said she could cleanse me if I wanted her to. But she charged a good amount of money for it ($150). Plus, the cleansing methods she described to me seemed a little strange (it involved carrying candles around with me or something along those lines). I'm sure whatever she did would have probably worked, but I didn't feel very comfortable with her. I didn't really want a stranger messing with my aura and energy field. What if she ended up opening up another hole and allowed more negative energy to get in? What if an entity or demon attached itself to me? Surely I didn't want that to happen. But if I didn't trust Jesse with the cleansing of my aura, who WAS I going to trust??? Well, it actually didn't take very long for me to come up with another person.

See, for more than ten years now, I have been a client of a woman named Samantha (name changed) who is essentially everything from a healer to a dietitian to an allergist to a homeopathic therapist to a Reiki master to a medium and a psychic. Over the years, Samantha has helped "clear" unwanted energies out of my system, including Lyme disease, drugs (mild ones like marijuana) and even allergies. I mean, before I knew Samantha I was extremely allergic to dairy products; whenever I ate a yogurt or drank milk I would get a mean strep throat that was always difficult to get rid of. But after Samantha cleared me of the allergy I could eat dairy without any problem at all. I never got any more strep throats. It was almost miraculous what she did for me.

Samantha has also been very successful in clearing more intangible negative energies from my system, such as feelings, fears, thought-patterns and even depressing worldviews. She once cleared feelings of rejection, for example. And also feelings of failure. One time Samantha even helped clear a feeling of hopelessness, that the world was doomed.

Anyway, I figured if Samantha could clear negative energies from my current life as Matt Burns then she was probably the woman to see if I wanted to clear energies from my past lives. So I gave Samantha a call, made an appointment with her, and found myself in her Boston office only a week later.

To my surprise, I found that it was easier to explain my situation to Samantha than I had initially thought. Basically, I just told her that I recently uncovered some past-life traumas and I thought it would be a good idea to cleanse myself of any negative energy I've carried over from previous lives.

"Are you able to do this kind of a thing?" I asked her.

"Sure."

"And do you think it's something I need to do?"

Samantha asked my (spirit) guides whether this was a good idea and they gave her a definite...

"YES. Definitely."

But they said they couldn't do it all in one cleansing. All my body could clear at one time was energy from 13 lives...out of a whopping 32! Yikes.

"I see you soldiering in some of them," Samantha added. "And in others there's a lot of residual anger...at people who killed you in the past."

Yes, apparently deep in my soul I was essentially still pissed off at the people who had wronged me in previous lives. And the more I thought about it, the more this all started to make sense...because throughout my entire life, I've always had rage inside of me. Honestly, I never knew why I had the rage. I didn't have a rotten childhood. I wasn't abused in any way. I wasn't bullied in school. I got everything I wanted for Christmas. But, still, there was always rage inside of me, from almost as early on as I can remember. And don't get me wrong: I rarely showed my rage to others. In fact, I think a lot of people would be surprised to learn I had a problem with anger. I've actually always been a very peaceful person when it came to associating with people and I've hardly ever gotten into a fight. But the rage has always been present, lingering in my chest like a snake in the grass.

So maybe the source of my rage - this whole entire time - has been from past lives. Honestly, it seems to be the most probable explanation. I mean, think about it: thirty-two-lives-worth of negative trauma is bound to leave some kind of a mark. According to Samantha, I was murdered in some of these lives. Killed in battles and burned in fires. Raped in Hollywood. Manipulated by the Nazis in Poland. Fucked over in various ways. Screwed. Victimized. Et cetera. Et cetera.

So, yes, with so much trauma under my belt, perhaps it's easy to understand why I've always had repressed rage, but I think the fact that I've even held onto so much anger is a sign that I've been a rather immature soul this whole time. I mean, who am I even angry at? The schmuck who killed me in life-number-three? Or the rapist in the Hollywood life? The Nazis in the Poland life? Honestly, if there's anybody to blame for my rage it's myself. As Samantha pointed out to me, we CHOOSE our various lives and we CHOOSE to be put into "traumatic" situations. Yes, talk to any meta-physicist anywhere (see list of books below) and they all seem to agree that we "chart" our lives before human incarnation. Every single minute detail of our lives is painstakingly planned, like who we are going to meet, what experiences we will go through...who we will work with...marry...divorce etc.

So if we actually choose our entire life, how can we ever consider ourselves a "victim" of anything? And if we are never a victim of anything, how can we ever be angry at anybody? The answer is we can't. Or we shouldn't. Anger is a complete waste of time and harboring such negative feelings for prolonged periods of time is a sign of immaturity. If only people started realizing this, the world would probably be a much more peaceful place. Maybe there would be less wars. Less murders. Corruption. Retribution. Revenge. Who knows?

Anyway, Samantha eventually had me lie on a table and she "cleared" me of all the negative energy I had accumulated during 13 of the 32 past lives. The way in which Samantha conducts the clearing is a little difficult to explain and would likely raise a lot of eyebrows, especially for the average layman. It's very Shaman-like, actually. She essentially sucks the bad energy out of your aura with her hands and then discards it back into the bowels of the earth. Yes, this sounds strange as anything, but you definitely feel a noticeable difference while she does it. The place where she touches you usually gets very warm - sometimes very hot. This heat is actually the energy being released from the body. And afterward, you feel much lighter. A lot more relaxed.

During my clearing, Samantha informed me that the negative energy from the past lives had been affecting me on a physical level, as well as on an emotional one. The energy was supposedly having an adverse effect on my muscles, intestines, pituitary gland, pancreas, liver, brain and other physical components of my physiology. Who would ever think that the cause of a physical ailment could have roots in a past-life trauma? Think about how many people out there have chronic physical problems that baffle doctors? It's kind of a shame that the medical world never thinks to look in the past for answers. Maybe they will as the human race becomes more spiritually evolved.

Anyway, I feel like the "cleansing" was what I needed all along. I think this was the main reason why I was so drawn to my past lives in the first place. What started out as sheer curiosity about reincarnation ended up leading me to uncover the cause of my repressed rage and mysterious physical issues. Hopefully the cleansing gradually makes me feel better as time goes forward. Of course, I still have to go back to see Samantha so I can have the other 19 lives cleared. But in the meantime I think I'm going to notice a big change in my overall temperament, not to mention my physical well-being.

Now, one thing you may be wondering about is why I didn't just clear the traumas while I was on the "other side", before I decided to become reincarnated in another body on earth. Why couldn't I have just gotten God or whoever to help me deal with the negativity while I was in spirit form and consciously aware of all that happened in the past? Well, the problem is that when we're on the "other side", the negativity doesn't affect us at all...mainly because negativity doesn't exist. According to renowned psychic Sylvia Browne in her book The Other Side and Back, it's not until we go back into another body that the fears, anger, victimization etc. terrorizes us again. We don't realize it on a conscious level, but our subconscious mind fears that as long as we're in a body again, there is the potential for more terrible things to happen to us. So the cleansing is something that needs to be done while we're in a body. In spirit form - where there is no fear and all energy is positive - a cleansing would be absolutely pointless.

So, anyway, hopefully the cleansing works for me. To be honest, I already feel a hell of a lot better. It's like I've been wallowing in tar my whole life and now I've finally been freed from its grips. We'll have to see if the feeling lasts....

For further reading about reincarnation and how we "chart" each of our lives:

Ghosts Among Us by James Van Praagh.

Life on the Other Side: A Psychic's Tour of the Afterlife by Sylvia Browne.

The Other Side and Back by Sylvia Browne.

Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian L. Weiss.

Your Soul's Plan by Robert Schwartz

My Past Life in Hollywood (Update #2)

This is a third update to my previous blog BEING CAROLE LOMBARD: MY PAST-LIFE IN HOLLYWOOD (click HERE to view). In my last update, I noted some progress I made in terms of finding out who raped me in my past life as actress Carole Lombard. Unfortunately, I have no new developments about the rape at this time. But I do have some other things.

This past Friday, I was driving down a street in Foxboro, MA., and I happened to pass a sign that said "Tarot Readings". I don't know what it was about that sign but I felt it was calling to me for some reason. I felt almost as though it was sucking me in, like it was a magnetic beam or gravitational field or something like that. I thought - hmmmm - maybe I should stop and get a reading. But to tell you the truth I was kind of tired of psychics and mediums and all that jazz. Plus, I didn't want to give out any more of my money to anyone if I didn't have to.

I drove about ten minutes beyond the Tarot place, but the "magnetic pull" became even more intense. I really felt that I needed to go back and get a reading. I didn't know why, but I felt as though I was meant to drive past that place. I don't mean to sound all melodramatic or anything, but it really felt like a serendipitous event.

Anyway, the pull became so intense at one point that I said, "fuck it", turned around and headed back towards the place where I saw the sign. As it turned out, the sign was actually located at the end of a normal-looking driveway. I pulled my car into the driveway and saw a place that basically looked no different than a house, only there was a neon sign on the outside that said "Ten-Dollar Palm Readings". The thought of getting my palm read sounded interesting to me. I never had something like that done before. Plus, ten dollars sounded like a pretty good deal. I decided I would go for it.

So I parked my car, walked into the house and was greeted by an (Eastern) Indian-looking woman named Jesse. She was supposedly a seventh-generation psychic, which sounded like she knew what she was doing, but I would have to wait and see if she was any good.

"What can I do for you?" she asked.

"Um...I guess I just want my palm read."

"OK, come with me."

She led me through a pair of open French doors and we sat in a comfy parlor with some couches and a glass case filled with crystals, figurines and metaphysical-type trinkets.

"Take a seat. Are you right handed or left-handed?"

"Right."

She took my right hand, had me say my name out loud and then had me voice one wish I hoped would come true. So I basically wished my writing endeavors would be successful or something like that, and - only within a couple seconds - Jesse started relaying information to me that (to my surprise) was very accurate. I mean, I always thought palm readings were things friends did to each other at slumber parties; I never thought it was actually a real, legitimate art.

Jesse drew my attention to various lines engraved into my palm that I'd never noticed before. One long, curved line supposedly meant I would live a long life, but at some point I would experience lower body pains (she didn't really elaborate on the nature of those pains). Then Jesse started talking about my career and how my name was going to grow and money would start rolling in, but then people would try to bring me down. She said that I needed to be in Los Angeles because I needed to "go after my dream". The only thing keeping me in the East was family and friends. She also said that California was where my heart was, anyway. "You're an ocean boy".

Jesse eventually flipped my hand over and immediately said something that scared the absolute shit out of me. Honestly, I had never been so freaking scared in my entire life.

"Who's pregnant?" she asked.

"What? Um, nobody, I don't think."

"You have a daughter and somebody's not telling you."

"What??? Uh...no I don't."

"Yeah you do, honey."

I literally started shaking in my chair. I didn't know what the hell this lady was talking about. My fear was that I had gotten somebody pregnant somewhere down the line or perhaps even very recently and I just didn't know about it. But I was pretty sure this wasn't the case. Everybody I had ever had....um...relations...with was still somebody who was in my life in one way or another, even the girls I'd had casual hook-ups with or one-night stands with. And I was pretty sure none of them ever had my child, or was pregnant with my child.

But then a question suddenly came to me, almost within a couple seconds after my initial panic. I don't know why it came into my head so fast or where the question even came from, but all I know is that it was there:

"Could the daughter have been from a past life?"

Jesse nodded her head. "Yeah, possibly." And I was a little relieved, but only a little.

I explained to Jesse that I had been "doing a lot of past-life stuff lately" and that I had discovered I was (supposedly) a famous actress in Old Hollywood.

"As to whether it's true...I have no idea."

Jesse looked me square in the eye and gave me a little smirk.

"It's true, honey."

All right, so there it was: pretty straight-forward confirmation of my Hollywood life from yet another medium, one who was completely unrelated to any other medium I had consulted with.

"OK, then. I guess it's true."

I then explained to Jesse that there was always a feeling in the way back of my mind that I had a daughter during the Hollywood life, but kept the daughter a secret for whatever reason. My 'feeling' mainly arose after I had read a book about Lombard entitled [title omitted], written by a woman named [name omitted] in 2008. The book is about how Carole Lombard secretly had a daughter when she was a teenager but gave it up to her aunt and uncle to raise before anybody other than a few close family members found out. According to [the author], the book is a "story of possibility" filled with content that is supposedly 95% non-fiction and 5% fiction/artistic liberty.

After I read the book, I was very intrigued by the story. I managed to get in touch with [the author] via email and she told me that - as far as I should be concerned - Carole didn't have any child; the plot-line of the illegitimate daughter was a figurative device she used to tell a compelling story. But [the author] also told me something really interesting that I can't repeat here because she wanted it off the record. Let's just say she had access to a 'source' that nobody else has ever had access to when it came to researching Carole's life. And this 'source' was an enormous influence in shaping her work of "fiction". In other words, there is no way to be certain that Carole Lombard ever had a child, but the "story of possibility" is certainly...well...possible.

Taking all of the above into consideration, you can probably see why Jesse's vision of a "secret daughter" lead me to seriously consider the possibility that Carole Lombard did, indeed, have an illegitimate child. I tried to get Jesse to provide more information about the daughter, but all she could say was that she saw the daughter "grown up" and she had my eyes. This was good news to me, because I was pretty sure that - if I did have a daughter in my current life - she wouldn't be very old yet. If anything, somebody may have been pregnant with my daughter (though I later checked with all recent partners and nobody was pregnant as far as they knew).

Anyway, Jesse eventually placed the whole secret-daughter-deal on the back burner and she started discussing my Hollywood life a little more. She said there was a lot of glamour and a lot of success and there were a lot of positive people around me much of the time.

"In fact, you weren't supposed to live your current life," she told me. "You were supposed to accomplish what you are doing now in the former life. But something went wrong. It was a choice you made...I don't know...things didn't unravel the way they were meant to unravel."

Needless to say, I was a little taken aback by what she was saying. "Come again? I wasn't supposed to live this life? That's a little weird to hear." But after a moment, I think I kind of understood what she was saying.

One possibility is that I died too early in the Lombard life (she died at age 33 in a plane crash). Maybe Jesse meant the crash wasn't supposed to happen. I heard that Carole's mother (who also died in the crash) warned Carole that she didn't have a good feeling about the flight and they should take a train instead. Maybe I made the wrong choice by boarding the plane despite my mother's warning. But, then again, how could you really say my death from a plane crash "wasn't meant to happen"? Just because I made a poor choice by boarding a doomed airplane I completely messed up my soul's path forever? I don't really know if that's something that can possibly happen. I mean, talk about the "butterfly effect".

But maybe Jesse was referring to my Poland life, which coincided with the Hollywood life, a phenomenon known as a "parallel existence" (read about this life HERE). In the Polish life, I was faced with a situation where I was essentially tricked - and then forced - into helping the Nazis massacre hundreds of Polish intellectuals. At a certain point during this experience, I was faced with a very tough decision: refuse to partake in the evil and die, or go along with it and live. Ultimately, I chose to go along with it (in fear of dying and being unable to support my nine children), but maybe I was "supposed" to die. Yes, maybe the Polish existence was supposed to end and the Lombard existence was supposed to go forward. But - for whatever reason - the Lombard existence had to be cut short because the Polish existence didn't unravel the way it was supposed to unravel. Maybe Lombard was destined to take her life in a completely different direction, but couldn't do it because of how things panned out in Poland.

I mean, one really has to wonder how two lives influence each other in the case of a parallel existence. Maybe what happens in one life simultaneously influences what happens in the other life. Maybe the Lombard life needed the Polish existence to end at a certain point so it could have more energy or rise to a higher spiritual level and do bigger and better things; but because that didn't happen it was better for Lombard's life to end abruptly and ultimately start up all over again in this current incarnation as Matt Burns (i.e. me). Maybe I am now where Lombard was supposed to be around 1942 when she died. Maybe she was supposed to be where I am now but couldn't be because of how the Polish existence panned out. Yes, I know this is probably confusing as hell for you right now. All I'm trying to do is raise some questions and explore some possibilities. I don't know if there is any truth to these theories.

The fact of the matter is that - according to the psychic Jesse - things didn't go according to plan in the past and I wasn't 'supposed' to live this current life as Matt Burns, but I AM living this life now and that's all I should really be concerned about. Jesse did add, however, that there was a "dark shadow" in my aura because of what went wrong in the past, and it was in my highest and best interest to get a spiritual cleansing before I moved forward with my life. She said this "dark shadow" had the potential of getting in the way of me connecting with positive people in the future. Positive people, she explained, can (subconsciously) sniff out people with negative energy in their auras and they'll keep their distance from them. In other words, the negative energy stuck in my aura could be very detrimental to me forming important relationships in both my professional and romantic life. If this sounds at all familiar, you may have read all about it in the popular book The Secret, which is all about the "law of attraction" (i.e. positive energy attracts positive energy and negative energy attracts negative energy).

Jesse said she had the ability to do a spiritual cleansing for me, but I told her I would sleep on it and get in touch with her later if I thought it was something I wanted to have her do. I actually already knew how to do some form of a cleansing and I wanted to avoid paying money for something I could conduct on my own. In fact, anybody out there has the ability to cleanse themselves if they want to - it's a good way to rid your aura of any negative energy, not just stuff that may have come from a past life. Basically, what you do is stand in front of your bathroom faucet, turn the faucet on with your left hand, let the water run and keep your hand gripped on the handle. Then, you hold a pendulum in your right hand and say the following words:

"I now ask that my high self and my helpers in the light please identify, disorganize and remove all energies within my aura that are not in my highest and best interest to have at this time."

In my case, I wanted to be a little more specific, so I added the following:

"Specifically remove all negative energies I have carried over from my past life in Hollywood and Poland."

If all goes right, the pendulum should start swinging clockwise and you basically just stand at the sink while you get cleared of all the negative energy. It may take several minutes - depending on how much energy is clearing - but you'll know that the process has completed when the pendulum stops swinging and comes to a complete stop. The theory behind this entire process is that all the negative energy from your energy field (i.e. aura) gets washed out of your field and down the drain, all the way into the bowels of the earth where it will no longer affect you. I know it all sounds wacky, but I personally find that I feel lighter and more positive after I do one of these cleanses. It's actually best to do it every couple of days so that any negative energy we pick up from the outside world doesn't accumulate and weigh us down.

But back to Jesse.

I left my "palm reading" on Friday feeling extremely overwhelmed. For one, I still wasn't sure about the mysterious daughter situation and I was still kind of freaking out that somebody was pregnant in my current life. Also, I was concerned about the 'dark shadow' that was in my aura...and whether I would ever get rid of it! And on top of everything else, I felt anxious about how Jesse said I needed to be in LA. Should I be there now? When should I go??? How am I going to make that work? Obviously I shouldn't just go to LA because Jesse said I needed to be there, but, hell, I KNOW I need to be there; I wasn't hearing anything I didn't know already.

As far as the daughter situation goes, right now I'm wondering why I even needed to know I had a secret, illegitimate daughter in the first place. I mean, I guess it's important to know, but it's not like I can try to find her and reunite with her...at least I don't think I can. First of all, it's very likely that the daughter is deceased already, though I suppose it's very possibly there is a granddaughter alive and possibly great-grandchildren. But I wouldn't even know where to start looking for them, and I think they would find me too weird anyway. I mean, what would I say to them? "Um, yes, my name is Matt Burns. I'm a 29-year-old man now, but I have reason to believe I am your grandmother from a past life." Yeah, that would really go over well.

I think the fact of the matter is that the past is the past and I can't really do much about it now. As the saying goes, you shouldn't look back unless you want to go that way. Hopefully a piece of my spirit is still with my daughter/grandchildren - watching over them - but that's as good as things can be right now. Perhaps, in the future, mankind will evolve to a point where we'll be able to reunite with our children from a past life without anybody finding it weird. But that time is not now. I can't really do much about the situation. At least I don't think I can.

Of course, I'll let you know if anything changes and whether there are any more developments in this story. Who knows what else could pop up from the Lombard life? Hopefully it's not any more bad stuff; I'm not sure I would be able to handle much more of that. I mean, to be honest with you, the whole illegitimate daughter thing gave me a feeling of sadness. I don't want to experience any more of those emotions if I don't have to. Then again, if experiencing these feelings is the only way to clear the darkness from my aura, then I guess I say bring it on.